Song On My Mind

This is a song that is on my mind, it is very symbolic to me. It is a song by KT Tunstall.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsym2BFX654

It isn't very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn't take a genius to realize
That sometimes life is hard
It's gonna take time
But you'll just have to wait
You're gonna be fine
But in the meantime
Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday
And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself
That these feelings are in the past
You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf
Because pain's built to last
Everybody sails alone
But we can travel side by side
Even if you fail
You know that no one really minds
Come over here lady
Don't hold on but don't let go
I know it's so hard
You've got to try to trust yourself
I know it's so hard, so hard
Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over, heal over, heal over someday

The Real Me

I walk around every day pretending that everything is okay, knowing that deep down inside I am hurting. I do not really know how to show my feelings, I sometimes think that it would not matter even if I did. I just do not like to go around showing that things are bothering me. When something get to me long enough I do eventually talk about it. I was always accused by my dad that I was out sleeping around with guys. I guess I should have told him that men were the least of my interests. I have just recently came out to more of my family and so far it seems to be going good. I am pretty sure that people are figuring it out, but I am also nervous that if they haven't about how they will react. It is not going to change who I am, I am still the same girl that they know. I still have the same personality and I am still the happy go lucky person that most of my friends say that I am. I have been sitting and thinking about how to tell everyone. Should I even tell my dad? He would probably be better off not even knowing. On the other hand he has always made comments to my sister about how he thinks I might be a lesbian. A part of me is afraid to sit down and talk to him face to face in fear of how he will react. To all of you that read this post and you don't know that I am a lesbian, well, I guess you know now.

Being a lesbian does not change who a person is. I know people that have been friends for years and just because one of them came out, they had lost what they thought was a good friend. I lived with a family that took me in and of course when they suspected that I was dating another woman they told me I should move out or quit talking to that woman. I can say that there was nothing going on with her, we were just friends. As you probably guessed I moved out. At that moment I decided I was going to be me and not what someone wanted me to be. I told my sister that I was gay and then she helped me to eventually be proud of who I am. I did not go telling everyone then either. I was not till August or September of 2008 that I told my mom. I am slowly but surely letting people know and I guess this post is another step.

With all this said I am just going to say that if you don't want to be my friend because I am gay, then I do not feel that you were ever a true friend to me. All I have to say is that you are missing out on a good friend. I am not asking that you agree or disagree with my lifestyle, just that you accept me for who I am.

Feeling Lost

I will start off saying that I feel lost at the moment. I am seeing the changes in some things and situations. As a matter of fact I feel like I have been thrown to the side and spit on. I don't know where it went wrong, but it did. There are times I wish I had just kept my mouth shut. Things would have probably worked out better. I might had even been a little happier. The only thing wrong with keeping you mouth shut is that no one knows how you feel. If the whole world could just sit back and listen to each other without getting mad maybe things could be different. Sometimes I think people are to quick to judge and get angry. With all this said, I am saying sorry to anyone that I have hurt I do not want to hurt anyone feelings. I am also not the type of person that would do something to intentionally hurt people. There is always times when people disagree but should it be the end of a friendship too.

The Limb

I feel like am just barley hanging on to a cracked limb. My two choices are to hold on tight and wait for the limb to break, or just go ahead and let go and fall. Either way I go I will end up on the ground, it is just a matter of of letting go or being let go.

Life

Life is crazy sometimes. It is not what it always seems. So think hard about your decisions. Peace everyone.

Life Is Short

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Love the ones who don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy. He just promised it would be worth it.

Things Go Wrong

Yesterday I was going out to get a bite to eat and my heat in my car turned cold. I look at my guages and realize that my car was running hot. I pull over to check out what was going on and come to find out there was water leaking out of it. There I was out in the cold and my car is messed up. Now i will find out what is wrong and get it fixed. things could get worse, but I am staying on the positive side of things.

This Should Never Happen

I know a few children that have been through all kinds of abuse, physical, mental, sexual, and verbal. Being a victim of one is bad enough, but when you are a victim all it can cause some major psychological damage. I just want to take these kids and take them away from it all. There is no reason for a child to go through that. Then to top it off, come to find out, sexual abuse is a misdemeanor and they only serve two years. I myself have been a victim of abuse, and I know that it does effect you. Each person has to deal with it their own way. It took me a while to overcome it, and I try to comfort the children when they are trying to cope with there problems. All I am saying is when you are abused in any way it takes time to heal, sometimes years. I know to this day it can still haunt me, and it has been over 10 years, and the offender only has to serve at the most 2 years. What is 2 years compared to the rest of the victims life.

Angela Is Great To Me

I had worked all night long from 5pm till 5am. I was so tired and hungry so as soon as I got in the door I head for the kitchen. As soon as I step into the door I see a double layered cake on the table. Angela had baked me a cake. I was wondering why she had made it because my birthday is in July. Then I walk over to it and I see a little note that says, just because I love you.

People I tell you, she truly is amazing. I love her so much. This is just one of the many things that she has done for me.

I also have come home in the morning to candle light bubble baths, which I love, and roses.

Seth's Birthday

My nephew lives in Texas, and he just had a birthday last month. I was not able to go, seeing how I live in Kentucky, so my sis sent me some pictures of the party.







1st picture is the birthday boy, 2nd is the cake, 3rd the treasure map ( it is like pin the tail on the donkey ) and the last picture is Seth enjoying his party

The Changing Seasons

I love when summer turns to fall, fall to winter, winter to spring and spring into summer. It seems that as each season modernizes I am ready for it. I remember when it was late summer, and I was ready for fall to arrive. I am amazed with the changing colors of the leaves, the feel and smell of the cooling air, the almost perfect days and cool nights. I even got a thrill out of raking up the leaves and jumping in them. Most of us don't realize it, but that is natures way of preparing us for winter. Each season is like a new creation, or a revolution, as it awakens it unfolds many secrets. Not to mention all the holidays also. Halloween and Thanksgiving, the two most common fall holidays, but I am sure there are more. I think part of the reason that I am so fond of fall is because of Thanksgiving. When I was a child my mom, dad, brothers, and sisters, would go to Louisville and visit all the rest of the family. Thanksgiving and Christmas was about the only time we saw them after moving to Mississippi.

Winter was always great because of the snow and snowball fights. One year my brothers and I built little forts out of the snow and threw snowballs at each others fort to destroy them. We would even try to make the biggest snowball for the butt of the snowman. My brothers and I would make tunnels in the snow where it had been shoveled into large piles. I have to say I was a sucker for time with my family. Of course there is also Christmas that is part of winter. I love Christmas. I remember when the whole family would gather together at my grandmothers house. It was always exciting to be reunited with family. We would all go to grandmas and would eat and do some catching up with everyone. My Aunt Linda would always put on a Santa hat an hand out the gifts. Yeah, I like to call them the good-ole-days.

Spring is always great also, you never know what to expect. Tornadoes, hail, and in some places even snow. There is also Easter and of course spring break. I remember when my mom and dad would get us up for the sunrise service on Easter morning. It felt like it was 3 or 4 in the morning and I did not do mornings that early. Not to mention that it felt like it was 30 below zero and my mom always thought us girls should wear dresses and those little jelly shoes. I think my legs still suffer from the frostbite, okay maybe not frostbite but pretty damn cold. On the bright side, we got to raid the baskets after we got home. Then there was always the egg hunt, winner got bragging rights. Plus I love the way it seems that nature is saying summer is on the way. The trees budding and flowers starting to bloom, I find quite astonishing.

Summer always brings hot days, bumble bees, and time for swimming. Oh yeah, and the 4th of July. I liked the fourth of July because of the fireworks, and plus my birthday followed it. My mom would always want to celebrate my birthday on the fourth. She would tell me, we will have you party on the fourth that way all the family is already together. It did not bother me, my mom was quite creative with my cakes. I guess I will save that for another blog, it is a long story.

That is all of the seasons, of course, but you do get what I am saying when I say that the seasons always prepare us for the next season? Or maybe that is just the way I look at it.

3rd Grade Nonsense

Now you know about second grade, now I will tell you about third grade. I still lived in Mississippi, but we ended up moving and I had to transfer to Mc Lauren elementary school. That is when I met Hope and Gary. I did not feel the need to do any work at school and felt that I needed to be disruptive in class. There was a day when the three of us decided to cause a little trouble, we had to sit in at recess, because we did not do our homework. We decided that we would trash the classroom by taking all the papers off the teachers desk and threw them all over the classroom. That was fun, till we got caught and had to clean it up, then we took the erasers and banged them on the desks and all over the board. This was only the beginning of the trouble we caused. I look back now and see it was all nonsense, and crazy.

more about me

In my previous post you read about where all I have lived. Now to tell you more about me. I can not remember much about my life when I was younger. The first clear memory I have is when I was in the second grade and I was going to a school in Florence, MS. My favorite part of the day was recess, that would be just about any kids favorite. I also had met one of my best friends, Jennifer was her name. She and I would stay at each others house and we would stay up late and get up early. I guess the main thing that stands out is the time I was chasing a kid on the playground and I ran to close to the swings and got kicked in the side of the head. Of course that lead to a visit to the nurses office and an ice pack applied to my head. Lol, good times.

Moving

Wow! I need to get on here more and tell everyone about my life. This will give you a small idea of what my life is like. I was born in Louisville Kentucky, and I have moved many times in my life. I have lived in Kentucky, Indiana, and in Mississippi. I have moved to different cities in each state. I have lived in Jeffersonville, Clarksville, Georgetown, Palmyra, and New Albany, Indiana. I have lived in Florence, and Jackson, Mississippi, and I have lived in Louisville, Monticello, and Somerset, Kentucky. Each place has memories of their own. I have Just recently moved from Monticello to Somerset.