The Life I Live

2010-02-14T13:27:00.001-05:00

I have not posted for a while it is not that there is nothing to write about, just have not wrote. So far this has been a good month. I started it of with a vacation beginning Jan 30th and ended on Feb 8th. I returned to work for 2 days and now I am off the 11th untill the 17th. I did not really do to much on vacation, but i did play in some snow, I will post a video.
Today is Valentines Day and I am so happy. I have a wonderful BFF, that is totally understanding. Lots of love goes out to everyone and HAPPY HEART DAY!

I want to want

2009-12-29T04:14:00.000-05:00

I want to want
I want to feel like I want
I feel like that sometimes.
Yes i want and it feels good too.
The feeling of desire is a terrible but yet an amazing feeling.
Maybe I do feel it, desire, or is it not.
Is it desire or is it love?
Is love just a need?
Why do I long to hear your voice?
In my mind I think I have nothing for anyone.
In my heart I feel I everything for someone.
Do you feel it too?

I Just Don't Know

2009-12-17T06:17:00.006-05:00

Why is it so hard to let people know who I am? I find myself everyday struggling to tell people that I have know almost all of my life that I am a lesbian. Sure, they probably already know or have an idea, but there is still that thought in the back of my head that maybe they have not figured it out. I say to myself that if people can not like me for who I am then I should not care what they think.
I first came out to my sister, and it went well. I would talk to her and would ask her what she thought our mom would say. I then told my other sister and brothers. They did not have a problem with it either. That had been the extent of who I had told. Then I had came out at work and it seems that it all went well there also. In September of 2008 I told my mom and her response was " I am sure it is just a phase" I mean really a phase. I have been with a woman since 2002 and have been attracted to them since I could remember. So I am sure it is not a phase. I was surprised when my mom announced at our Christmas 2008 together that I was there with my girlfriend. I am thinking she is taking it well, we don't really talk about it. I also told my great friend from high school, two of my aunts on my dads side. For some reason I am finding it hard to tell everyone else that I know about my lifestyle.

A Big Little Snowman

2009-12-07T06:50:00.006-05:00

Two or three days ago we got our first snow of the season. I have an amazing friend that lives in Florida and I was telling her that the weather was calling for snow. I also told her that if it happened to snow I would take pictures. Here are a few of the pics I sent to her.

The little snowman was kind of like a gift to my friend. She called me and asked me if the next time it snowed if I would build a snowman for her, so after talking to her the first chance I got I went out and made a snowman. I took pictures of it and sent them to her.

I sent this picture and when it came through on the phone all that could be seen was the top and the house, till u scrolled down. It made the snowman look big but when you scrolled the picture down you could see the hands and then you know it was a little snowman.

My friend was very grateful for these pictures and I am glad the they made her happy.

Dream (Photos Without A Face)

2009-11-24T06:00:00.004-05:00

I am standing on what appears to be a lake that is frozen over. I see two other people with me, one of which is holding a photo of a face, but I can not see who's. They sat the photo on the ice and then somehow a layer of ice covers the photo. The person looks over at me and says it is stuck. I try to break the top layer of ice and I end up breaking it all. The photo falls into the water and the other person is trying to grab it but can't. I reached into the water and I get the photo. Then all of the sudden photos of feces were coming to the surface under the ice. I can not make out the people in the photo because the faces are rubbed out. Just like when u get a photo wet and you rub it the photo smears. I was walking on the ice trying to find a picture that was clear but there was not one.

Dream (The Unicorn)

2009-11-24T05:38:00.004-05:00

I was standing on what seemed to be a shore, everything I could see was like crystal. There was a unicorn standing in front of me looking right at me. Over to my left off in the distance was a mountain and a wolf on it. All of the sudden the wolf jumps toward me and lands right in front of me. Every one is running but I continue to stand there. This woman came out of a castle and approached me and said come with me. I thought she was going to make me a slave or servant to her castle. She took me in her castle and into a room where I started fixing peoples hair and giving them massages. All of the sudden the woman comes up to me and says why are you doing that? You should not be doing that you are better than that, and had me follow her. She took me on a private room and started talking to me. The next thing I know this woman is making a pass at me.

Confusion

2009-11-17T03:08:00.004-05:00

my mind is such a blur,
I dream of some I may never have,
the heart is such a giver,
but to whom do I have to give,
my mind has always struggled,
when it comes to times like these,
should I take action,
or just sit back and let it be.

Friends

2009-11-13T08:03:00.002-05:00

The past week has been awesome, I have made a couple of new friends. We have spent hours talking and making each other laugh. We have talked each other through hard times. I myself have really enjoyed their company. I am not sure that these two women even realize how much they have helped me by just us talking, laughing and just being there for each other. With all this said, I just want to say thanks Kerri and Niki, I thank God for letting us meet. ;-) :-)

Minded

2009-10-20T03:52:00.002-04:00

i am lying in my bed crying
wondering how things can be fixed
there is so much hurt and pain
and i need you to feel the abyss
i walk so proud and as nothing is wrong
but really on the inside my emotions eat at me
i know that one day it has to get better
i am just waiting for it
all i ask is for a friendship
maybe that is too much
how can i do so much damage
not even knowing that i did
i can not help but wonder how a friendship can be minded

Finally and Thank You

2009-10-19T20:36:00.002-04:00

The past few months have been crazy, moving out, looking for a place to rent, and looking for a vehicle. Due to me not having a vehicle it has made it difficult to get the rest of my things from my exes. I do have to say she has been very patient and been working with me to get my things. I am finally able to get me a car and will be able to get the rest of it out hopefully this Friday. It will be good to get it all out so that it will be out of the way. I am thankful that she was patient with me and worked with me. May God bless her in every way.

My Facebook Quiz

2009-10-05T00:03:00.003-04:00

I logged on to facebook as usual today and was working on my farmtown, farmville, mafia wars and all that good stuff. Then I checked out the quizzes and I came upon a quiz that who is your soul mate or love of your life. Out of curiosity I decided to take the quiz. I am answering all the silly little questions like, what is your favorite color, food, music, TV show, and all the crazy questions. I finally get to the last question and I hit submit. I am sitting here anxiously waiting for my answer, the screen refreshes and the name appears on the screen. In bold pink letters the name Angela appears on the screen. I am not joking when I say that, it said Angela. For those who do not know Angela and I were at one time a couple. We no longer are now, but I was totally stunned when I saw her name as being my soul mate. I am not quite sure how to react to this. There is really nothing to react to I guess. I found this rather interesting.

2009-10-01T19:35:00.001-04:00

I know it has been a while since I have posted about my sister and her heart situation but I have just found out the she will more than likely be having her surgery within the next few months. She had requested to wait till after Christmas to have it and the surgeon told her that he just did not think that she would be able to wait that long. She has to go back to the doctor in two to three weeks and then we should know for sure when the surgery will be.

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Art

2009-09-23T23:19:00.007-04:00

I have just started painting again, I have not painted for at least ten years. I have hesitated about posting this and finally decided I would. This picture below I am giving to my sister before she has her heart surgery. It probably wont be long till she has it. Just waiting to hear from that doctors.

Song On My Mind

2009-09-21T14:16:00.002-04:00

This is a song that is on my mind, it is very symbolic to me. It is a song by KT Tunstall.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsym2BFX654

It isn't very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn't take a genius to realize
That sometimes life is hard
It's gonna take time
But you'll just have to wait
You're gonna be fine
But in the meantime
Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday
And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself
That these feelings are in the past
You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf
Because pain's built to last
Everybody sails alone
But we can travel side by side
Even if you fail
You know that no one really minds
Come over here lady
Don't hold on but don't let go
I know it's so hard
You've got to try to trust yourself
I know it's so hard, so hard
Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over, heal over, heal over someday

The Real Me

2009-09-21T03:42:00.003-04:00

I walk around every day pretending that everything is okay, knowing that deep down inside I am hurting. I do not really know how to show my feelings, I sometimes think that it would not matter even if I did. I just do not like to go around showing that things are bothering me. When something get to me long enough I do eventually talk about it. I was always accused by my dad that I was out sleeping around with guys. I guess I should have told him that men were the least of my interests. I have just recently came out to more of my family and so far it seems to be going good. I am pretty sure that people are figuring it out, but I am also nervous that if they haven't about how they will react. It is not going to change who I am, I am still the same girl that they know. I still have the same personality and I am still the happy go lucky person that most of my friends say that I am. I have been sitting and thinking about how to tell everyone. Should I even tell my dad? He would probably be better off not even knowing. On the other hand he has always made comments to my sister about how he thinks I might be a lesbian. A part of me is afraid to sit down and talk to him face to face in fear of how he will react. To all of you that read this post and you don't know that I am a lesbian, well, I guess you know now.

Being a lesbian does not change who a person is. I know people that have been friends for years and just because one of them came out, they had lost what they thought was a good friend. I lived with a family that took me in and of course when they suspected that I was dating another woman they told me I should move out or quit talking to that woman. I can say that there was nothing going on with her, we were just friends. As you probably guessed I moved out. At that moment I decided I was going to be me and not what someone wanted me to be. I told my sister that I was gay and then she helped me to eventually be proud of who I am. I did not go telling everyone then either. I was not till August or September of 2008 that I told my mom. I am slowly but surely letting people know and I guess this post is another step.

With all this said I am just going to say that if you don't want to be my friend because I am gay, then I do not feel that you were ever a true friend to me. All I have to say is that you are missing out on a good friend. I am not asking that you agree or disagree with my lifestyle, just that you accept me for who I am.

Michael W. Smith (Friends)

2009-09-17T23:09:00.005-04:00

As I was growing up my parents were not able to be there for me as much as I needed. Therefore I would depend on my friends to be there for me. I have never felt right befriending someone. I am the type of person that if I am your friend I am not going to turn on you because someone else don't like you. I take too much crap from people and as I would put it, I am too forgiving. This has caused me much heart ache and grief. I guess there comes a time when friends have to part. This has happend to me recently and I was at a loss for words. This is a song thet has been on my mind the past couple of days, by Michael W. Smith.

Packing up the dreams God planted

In the fertile soil of you

I can't believe the hopes He's granted

Means a chapter of your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone'

Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never'

Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

And with the faith and love God's given

Springing from the hope we know

We will pray the joy you live in

Is the strength that now you show

We'll keep you close as always

It won't even seem you've gone'

Cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never'

Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never'

Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

To live as friends

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

No a lifetime's not too long

To live as friends

E-Mail (friends)

2009-09-16T14:48:00.007-04:00

I have been struggling with a recent breakup. Some days it hits me hard and today was one of them days. I went to check my E-Mail and this is part of one I received. It made me feel a lot better and brought a smile to my face.

As I Suspected

2009-09-16T05:35:00.003-04:00

Sometimes at work I have a moment where things settle down for a while. That is when my mind starts to wonder and this poem is just where it happened to go. I have loved to write poems since I was a child and for the longest time I had quit writing. I have come to realize that writing poems helps me with my life and what goes on in it.

As I suspected

The darkness has came over me
Just what I had suspected
I walk around in the blackness
Looking for the light
I know it has to be here somewhere
I am just not sure where
I am sitting here quietly
Waiting to hear a sound
As I come to find there is nothing to hear
I had hoped it did not come to this
So I sit here in the darkness
Never giving up on the light
I know it is somewhere close by
Then I think maybe just sitting is not the thing to do
I need to feel my way through the dark
There is a light somewhere
I just need to be patient
As I continue my search for the light.

9/11 Where I Was

2009-09-11T14:33:00.004-04:00

On this day, eight years ago, our twin towers were hit. I don’t understand why someone would do something like that. I myself would not be able to do something like that, I take peoples feeling in consideration and not to mention that is just cold hearted.
The day for me started out with me getting up and heading out to the field to bail some hay. There were three of us out in the field and we had run out of water. I went to get in the truck and head to the house to refill the cooler and when I turned on the radio, I heard that the twin towers had been hit by planes. They were saying at the time they did not know if it was terrorism or if it was an accident. My first thought was how in the hell do you accidently hit a tower or better yet two. Hello, it does not take a genius to figure this out. As the day went on there were more plane hijacks and the pentagon was hit. That is when they decided to call it terrorism.
I was torn and there were many things going through my mind. I was angry, sad, pissed, and my heart was going out to the victims of the incident. In a since I feel it pulled our country together. To this day I feel for the families and the lost victims of the terror, and I want to send out a special prayer for the families and the victims. I also want to thank all the people that put all of their time and effort to go to their aide, and the people that took the time out of there day to stop and just pray for everyone.
With all of this said I want to say God bless everyone.

2009-09-10T15:50:00.001-04:00

I is still a little strange going to a new home when I get off work. It feels like I forgot where my home was. I am lucky in a way because there is usually a child here, and I love to be around children. I do miss my old home and there will be nothing that can replace it. As we all know, part of moving on is moving out right.

My New Friend

2009-09-07T02:17:00.004-04:00

Today I got to get me a dog, she is a beautiful husky with blue eyes. I got to take some pictures of her and I love her already. She is part of my family now, just me and her. We have already taken walks together and even took a run. She can shake your hand, sit, and lay down, and I am going to train her to do more. I can't wait till it snows so the we can go out and play in it.

Just a Song on My mind

2009-09-06T21:58:00.002-04:00

I pretend that I'm glad you went away
these four walls close in more every day
And I'm dyin' inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real, even if nobody knows
And I'm cryin' inside
And nobody knows it but me
Why didn't I say The things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a tumblin' down
I can see it so clearly But you're nowhere around
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad and
I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me
(Music, hmm...noone knows)
I carry a smile
when i'm broken in two
and i'm nobody
without someone like you
i'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me
i Lie awake
it's a quarter past 3
i'm screamin at night if i thought you'd hear me
yeah, my heart is calling you
and nobody knows it but me
How blue can I get, you could ask my heart
Just like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say Just how I feel
A million years from now you know
I'll be lovin' you still
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad and I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missing you And nobody knows it but me(nobody)Tomorrow morning
i'mma hit the dusty rod gonna find you wherever, ever you might go
and i'm gonna let go of my heart and hope you come back today
Nights are lonely, the days are so sad(No one knows)
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
(Nobody knows)
And I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad and
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me

Moving

2009-09-04T01:03:00.004-04:00

Here it goes, tonight is my last night in the place I have called home for for 13 months. I guess I can say leaving the place is not the part that is hard. I have many memories here and not to mention I am moving and not going to be able to take someone with me. I have to say it is like I am leaving a piece of me behind. I really do not want this to be a sad post, but what part of moving away from a loved on is going to be happy? I can not help the way I feel, but I can help the way I react to the feelings I have. I can honestly say it hurts to leave but on the other hand if it helps someone else, I can do it.

2009-08-25T01:48:00.001-04:00

My job has its good days and its bad. Today was hectic, but all in all it was good. I can always count on co workers to make me laugh. As I was sitting at work I am able ti just sit back and laugh at all the crazy and mind boggling occurrences that has went on. It is always good to be able to laugh and have fun, especially when the day was rough.

Cake or Bed

2009-08-23T14:39:00.002-04:00

I was reading my email today and I thought I would share this email with my readers.

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW. HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. FINE, THEN THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!! SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS................................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED. HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED? SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL TH E REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE. HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE? SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO.. DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO

Improving Me

2009-08-14T18:12:00.003-04:00

Here are some ways I think I could improve me.
1. Start expressing my feelings.
2. Stop taking crap from people.
3. Start worrying about me and what I am going to do.
4. Start making me happy rather than trying to make others happy.
5. Get a car.
6. Get my own place.
7. Move on with my life.
8. Go for a bike ride every day.
9. Talk to my friends and family more.
10. Live, love, and laugh.

Memories

2009-08-12T20:25:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I wish that I could have my memories erased, I think it would just be better. Then I stop and think that memories are great. They are like human photos that help you remember the good, even though it can be somewhat sad, memories are great.

Time for You

2009-08-10T04:33:00.003-04:00

I have to say that moving forward can sometimes be hard, but not as hard as falling backward. I have been struggling with a few things the past few months, despite the hurt, confusion, or craziness the I have been through, I feel like I have moved forward. This past weekend I actually had a chance to go hang out with some of my friends that I had not seen in over a year. We shared our laughs and just had a pretty good time. I felt like I had no worries for a moment. I think that everyone needs friends that can help cheer them up when your moods are down. I am not saying that I put all of my thought to the side, I did still wonder and think about some of the issues on my mind, but having my friends around sure did make a difference. If you are feeling down let yourself get out and have some fun. Sometimes everyone needs to take some time for themselves, give yourself that chance, and let things go.

Todays Thoughts

2009-08-03T15:42:00.002-04:00

These are some of my thoughts since I have been awake....

1. Gees I miss Ang. (even though she is in the other room)

2. I hope she slept well.

3. I need to get ready for work.

4. Why can't times be like they use to be.

5. I feel like I am just wasting my time now.

6. Everything will be ok.

7. DAMN!!! That is hot. (Referring to Ang.)

8. Sometimes good things do come to an end.

9. How could I let a beautiful woman like that slip through my fingers? (again meaning Ang.)

10. Wow, it feels so good to hug her. (Ang)

I have had many other thoughts but these are the biggest thought I have had so far today. OMG I just realized my life is revolving around pretty much one thing, bet you could never guess.

What I Did

2009-07-30T22:04:00.003-04:00

Well these past few months I have managed to ruin my relationship, ruin my credit and it is all starting to ruin my life. As if me messing up a relationship with the woman I am in love with was not enough now I have managed to get into financial trouble. I really do think my life is on a journey down hill and I hope that I hit the bottom real soon so I can start making my way back up. I am wanting to fix everything I have screwed up, and I hope it is not too late to do so. I know I can't go back and change the past but I can change the future and that is what I am striving to do.

My Mom

2009-07-26T07:25:00.000-04:00

My mom and I started off having a great mother daughter relationship. She would spend time with me, my brothers and my sisters sitting at home watching movies and making popcorn. My mom would make the best of every situation and there were many times that she had to do so. There were times that she pulled two or three jobs just to provide for us kids.
I remember one Christmas when we were so bad off that we could not afford anything, not even a Christmas tree, much less ornaments to put on it. I took it upon myself to go find us a Christmas tree, so I went out in the woods and found a small branch or limb of a pine tree and brought it home to my mom. She came up with a great idea, popped some popcorn and showed us how to string it. That year we had popcorn garland for the tree. Another one of her great ideas was pine cone ornaments. We had gathered some pine cones and took them to the house. Her idea was to take some nail polish and paint the tips of them, tied some yarn to them and hung them on the tree.
As the years went by my mom and I grew apart and had our disagreements. Some of witch was times she should have stood beside me and she did not do so. I know there are situations where kids think their parents should have stuck beside them, but this is a case where any parent should have been there for their child. My mom and I went about six years where we barley talked to each other. I would call her and it was like she did not have time to talk to me. I had forgiven my mom for the way she had done me. The day that it all changed is when she called me up and told me the she wanted to apologize for how she had handled some situations between us. I told her I had already forgiven her and had moved on. She told me she knew that but just wanted to tell me she was sorry and that she wishes she had handled things differently. We both shed a few tears and our mother daughter relationship is improving.
Now has come a time when my mom needs me, and I am going to do my best to be there for her as much as possible. She does live about two and a half hours away, but I am going to give her all the love and attention that I can. She has been helping her husband, witch is a diabetic and has had to have both legs removed from his knees down and is on dialysis, and now he is in the hospital having heart complications.I would like for every one that reads this to send positive energy, prayers and hopefulness my mom’s way.

Raining on the Inside

2009-07-24T01:37:00.003-04:00

I don't want to sound like a baby, but sometimes there is pain that is to deep to express. It is hard to move on from someone that you love so dear. I was sitting here and this song popped into my head. Amy Grant- Raining on the inside.

When all goodbyes are said and done
And nighttime finds you home
Are you alright to spend a night
Of being all alone
Or do you hide between the lines
Of conversations past
A wall of words, a heart unheard
That hides behind a mask

[Chorus:]I'm raining on the inside
My heart wells up with tears that start to pour
I'm raining on the inside
But Your cries of love break through
And I fall in love with You once more

When friends who care can't be there
To ease away my pain
And peace of mind is hard to find
Like sunlight in the rain
God sees my heart, the deepest part
Inside this lonely me
And reachin' in, His love begins
To heal the heart in me

[Chorus]

At the moment I feel this song fits me and how I feel.

The Darkness

2009-07-16T22:30:00.003-04:00

The Darkness

April, wrote on July 14, 2009

I am looking into the darkness,
trying to find a light.
I fight with all my strength,
to keep you in my arms.
I know if you drift away,
I could lose you forever in the darkness.

I have never experienced a love,
like the love I have for you.
I have an unbearable pain inside me,
one that is indescribable.
I have loved you with all that I had,
and it seems it has went to waste.

I want to take back time,
and freeze it to when we were first together,
before all the hurt and pain that I have caused.
I know I can’t reverse time,
all I can do is move forward into the darkness,hoping to find a new light with you.

Love Hurts?

2009-07-16T21:04:00.003-04:00

I have always heard love hurts and I could never really understand what it ment. I now know how love can hurt so bad, like a dagger going into the heart. Except the pain is much deeper and more intence. I don't really see how a love that is or was so strong can go so wrong. I don't like to think about it because it hurts me so deeply. I am working on expressing my feelings, which I am not good at. I don't like to cry in front of anyone, I know it is normal. I just need to learn how to cope with my feelings.

Jim Varney Lyrics; Gee I'm Glad It's Raining

2009-07-15T14:00:00.005-04:00

Gee I'm glad it's raining
There's always something to be thankful for.
I'm awfully glad it's raining
Cause no one sees the tear drops when it pours.

And no one knows the thunder
As your heart breaks in the sky,
And they think those rainy nights
Cause that sad look in your eye.

Sure am glad it's raining.
The gentle river soothes the pain inside.
I'm glad the stars aren't shining.
This wounded warrior needs a place to hide.

I thought I had found someone
I could count til the end.
What they wanted was a hero,
All I needed was a friend

Gee I'm glad it's raining.
I hope the morning sun won't come up soon.
As long as it keeps raining,
No one knows my heart broke right in two.

I thought I had found someone
I could count til the end.
What they wanted was a hero,
All I needed was a friend

Sure am glad it's raining.
I'm awfully glad it's raining

2009-07-09T21:33:00.002-04:00

I previously posted about visiting with my mom and said I was going to post about indiviual events that happened. I am not going to be posting it for a while. Right now I have to much going on in my personel life. I could blog about it but there comes a point when you should not put all your problems on the internet, or at least that is how I feel.

2009-07-08T03:13:00.002-04:00

I am laying here looking at the walls, wondering when this will be over. I sometimes put myself through so much misery and hurt. Why can't I just let go? Why is it I feel the need to hold on so firmly? Some things get away no matter how hard I hold on. I never really knew that time could sometimes haunt me.

Birthday

2009-07-06T12:56:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was my birthday, and I received many birthday wishes on facebook and through text messages. My dear friend Angela made me a cake and a painting. You can see the pictures of them by visiting her blog http://www.ange29.blogspot.com/. I also got to play two free sessions of bingo and got free ice cream. Of course everyone got free ice cream so I just pretended we were all celebrating. After getting my bingo fix, we headed to Louisville to spend time with my family. I had a great birthday and the cake that Ang made was wonderful.

Sugar and Hugs

2009-06-29T13:33:00.006-04:00

My mom and Greg have two dogs, one is named Sugar and the other is named Hugs. They are both pretty great dogs, but Hugs is more of my favorite. My step dad has worked with Hugs to teach her many tricks. He has taught her to sit, lay, roll over, sit pretty, fetch, and she will play dead.

When Greg tells Hugs to sit pretty she sits on her hind legs with her front paws in the air in front of her. The special fetch I found rather amusing, Greg would tell hugs, go play with your toy, she will go to her toy box and get a stuffed bear. Then she will take the toy and shake it around in her teeth while letting out a grrrrrrrr sound. Greg can tell Hugs to put her toy up and she will put it back in the toy box.

While we were visiting I got to record Hugs playing dead. My mom or Greg can tell Hugs to sit, then they will say bang and she will fall over on her side and stay like that until one of them say up.

Like I said earlier in the post, I did get Hugs playing dead on video I just have to get it uploaded and add it to this blog.

I want to thank everyone that takes the time to read my blog, and hope you have a great week.

Angela vs Hammock

2009-06-26T15:22:00.005-04:00

Well as you know this past weekend we went to my moms, I have been putting off posting this till I could get the video ready. I still do not have the video, but I am going ahead and posting the blog.

My mom and Greg invited us to their back yard to look at their flowers, tomatoes, and peppers. We are all looking at the plants, or I thought, then all of the sudden we hear a noise. I turn around and I see Ang lying half way on the ground and half way in the hammock. Now for some reason it did not strike me to take a picture of this.

My mom, being the kind of woman she is, decided to show us the how to, and what not to do in a hammock. She demonstrated how to get in and out of a hammock and do so safely. Okay, so you think we would get the idea. Angela being the brave person, and not to mention strong willed, thought she would give it another try. This is where the video comes in, I do have to say it went much smoother after the training, although there were still a few errors. lol. the video does a much better job of explaining and I will do my best to post it soon as I can. Just to give you and idea we all still got a good laugh even Ang was laughing.

Feeling Lost

2009-06-26T01:26:00.004-04:00

I will start off saying that I feel lost at the moment. I am seeing the changes in some things and situations. As a matter of fact I feel like I have been thrown to the side and spit on. I don't know where it went wrong, but it did. There are times I wish I had just kept my mouth shut. Things would have probably worked out better. I might had even been a little happier. The only thing wrong with keeping you mouth shut is that no one knows how you feel. If the whole world could just sit back and listen to each other without getting mad maybe things could be different. Sometimes I think people are to quick to judge and get angry. With all this said, I am saying sorry to anyone that I have hurt I do not want to hurt anyone feelings. I am also not the type of person that would do something to intentionally hurt people. There is always times when people disagree but should it be the end of a friendship too.

Phone Call for Ang

2009-06-23T20:23:00.002-04:00

After the car problems Ang and I made it to my moms at about midnight. We all sat around in the kitchen and ate some chicken and mashed potatoes with gravy. After visiting with them for a while we all went to sleep. The next morning Ang gets a phone call from her mom saying that her great grandmother had passed away. Angela's face instantly changed to a look of deep sorrow, so I look at her and ask what is wrong? Then she tells me the news, I look at her and tell her to lay down beside me so I can hold her.

Sorry for the loss dear.

My Car

2009-06-23T01:14:00.002-04:00

The weekend started out crazy, I had went to wal-mart and got my oil changed. The guy that helped change my oil told me that the starter wire that connected to my battery was not getting good connection, witch resulted in the car not starting. Therefore every time I wanted to start my car I had to pop the hood and wiggle the wire while Angela turned the key. Nice gentleman said he would fix it but it was against their policy. Since it was late I decided to put electrical tape and a zip tie on it until I could get the proper piece to fix it. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of a rough weekend.

I will post more of this weekend stories when I get the pictures and videos.

Weekend Summary

2009-06-22T01:49:00.003-04:00

So many thing have happened this weekend to make it interesting. It first started with my car, then the phone call for Ang, Angela and the hammock, the breakfast conversation at my moms, my mom and Greg's dogs, then Pride, Taco bell road rage, and Denney's with Steph and Cass. This is just the beginning, there was also kitty cat rampage, playing sing star, jumping on the trampoline, the awesome dinner that Cass made, and then on top of it all, Angela and her broccoli.

This is just a summary of the weekend, I plan to have individual posts for every event.

The Limb

2009-06-21T00:22:00.003-04:00

I feel like am just barley hanging on to a cracked limb. My two choices are to hold on tight and wait for the limb to break, or just go ahead and let go and fall. Either way I go I will end up on the ground, it is just a matter of of letting go or being let go.

He Did Not Know

2009-06-17T21:19:00.004-04:00

As I was growing up my dad thought he new everything. There were numerous times that he just knew, or thought he knew, what was going on or what happened. He would come home with a beer in his hand, holler for all us to join him in the dining room. It would all start out with him sitting his beer can on the table and telling us, his children, to line up against the wall. I remember what he accused me of, as he took his firm index finger and poked me in the chest as if he was trying to Pierce it. He would pound on my chest with every word, saying I know you are out there sleeping with all the guys, I do have to say that he was wrong. He was always quick to jump to conclusions. That is one thing that has drawn all five of his children away from him.
He was also quick to draw his belt and start what he would call whipping us with it. I am not writing this to make my dad look bad, I know that he loves us. When you treat someone like this for so long they tend to want to get away from you, so the push themselves away from that individual. To this day one of the main reasons His children want to stay away from him is because he always thought he knew what was going on or that he knew what we were doing but he was wrong many times. I know that I would have loved a dad to show to everyone and not be afraid of him making a big scene.

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life

2009-06-15T18:33:00.002-04:00

This is an email I recieved from my Sis.

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It's called ........
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary..
3. The difference between the Pope and
Your boss, the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.
9 My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my
Mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid.'
11. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
12. As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way...
Be who you are and say what you feel... because those that matter... don't mind...and those that mind...don't matter!

My Friend Bridget

2009-06-12T00:56:00.003-04:00

This is my friend Bridget, I used to go to church and school with her. She is very down to earth and loves to play tennis. I just recently found out that she plays corn hole. This is the video that was made for her.

Angela's Got Skills

2009-06-11T20:39:00.004-04:00

I will make a new video with more of her art as she finishes more. These are unique and are defiantly one of a kind. I feel very special receiving the first painting she did on canvas. I am a person that likes to draw, paint, and even color at times, and I am very thankful that she chose me to receive her first painting.

Memories, Ang and I

2009-06-11T17:08:00.003-04:00

This is just a few of our memories that Angela and I have made. She is the best friend a person could have. I love her

What Is That Sound

2009-06-10T18:14:00.002-04:00

I am sitting in my bed reading some blogs, I suddenly hear this sound that catches me off gaurd. Grrrrrgrrrrgrrr, I quickly think what is that? I realize it is my stomach grawling, I did not even feel hungry, but as I sit here and it continues to grawl it starts to have a slight discomfort in it. Maybe it is time for a before supper snack.

Three Letter Word

2009-06-10T01:47:00.005-04:00

If you look up the word try in the dictionary you will see that it says..to attempt to do or accomplish, therefore when I say I try means I am attempting to do something.

I have tried to do everything I can to make things work in life, but I have come to the conclusion that the word try is a word that is actually bigger than it looks. Who would have thought that a three letter word would take so much work.

I once went to church and a pastor said, try means to attempt, no one attempts, you do it or you don't. He also stated that to use the word try is just an excuse to give up.

So when I say I am tired of trying does it mean that I never really put my full effort into it. No I don't think that is right, sometimes it is not up to just one individual.

I guess what I am saying is that try is not just an excuse it is a three letter word that applies to everyone.

When a couple is having problems they try, when people are out looking for a job they are trying.

Try is not an excuse for failure, it is a strive to succeed.

Should Have

2009-06-09T18:58:00.002-04:00

When I graduated high school is the same time my grandfather passed away. It just so happened that my graduation was the night before his funeral and I did not have my license. My mom did not attend my graduation because of the funeral. My mom convinced me to go to my graduation by telling me that my grandfather would rather me be at graduation. I decided ok, go to graduation. I am now 27 and I wish I would have found some way to have attended his funeral.

Update On My Sister

2009-06-08T22:59:00.004-04:00

In a few of my previous blogs I have written about my sister and her heart condition, here is the latest news.

Ok so the MRI I had at BAMC the end of April showed all the things we already knew and then one more interesting tidbit of information. They figured from the MRI images that 20-30% of the blood that my heart is pumping is coming back into my left ventricle instead of being pumped through my arteries. We already knew that there was backflow but did not know how much until we got the results from this MRI. Dr Scally (my cardiologist) and Dr York (the cardiologist at BAMC) both agreed that this is a moderate amount of backflow. They also said that since this causes a significant amount of stress on the heart, that a lot of doctors go ahead and recommend the surgery be done so the extra stress does not end up doing permanent damage to the heart.

Also, I had to stop going to cardiac rehab because the exercise was causing problems with my blood pressure and was making me feel terrible. Dr Scally said that the combination of what they found on the MRI and the problems at rehab are enough concern to go ahead and refer me to a surgeon. He has referred me to Dr Ganzel, a surgeon at Jewish hospital. Dr Ganzel is reviewing all of my information. His office will be contacting me soon to set up a consult appointment and get the ball rolling on the surgical stuff.

We now have to work on this from the military standpoint as well. We have several different ways that we may be able to work this out where Jeremy can be there for me when I have my surgery and recovery. My doctor recommends that the military reassigns Jeremy to Ft Knox temporarily; however, while his recommendation is very helpful, the final decision is not up to him. Jeremy's chain of command has to approve this and then it must be approved by several other people as well. Please keep this in your prayers.

Love Always

2009-06-02T20:23:00.005-04:00

If you move on to better things, I will still love you.

It doesn't matter what you do, I will still love you.

If you lose all faith in me, I will still love you.

The seasons will come and go, I will still love you.

You can have the worst day ever, I will still love you.

If you stop loving me, I will still love you.

No matter what you say or do, I will always love you.

Love always, April

Not My Choice

2009-05-31T03:06:00.004-04:00

Some things are just out of my control and against my will. I will have to find some way just to move on. This is not how I wanted it to be, but I have to respect other peoples decision.
How do you let go of one of the best things in your life? I just don't know how to answer this for myself. When life throws you a change-up you just have to learn when to swing.

Quotes, Anyone

2009-05-30T04:01:00.003-04:00

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
- Maureen Dowd
The happy and efficient people in this world are those who accept trouble as a normal detail of human life and resolve to capitalize it when it comes along.
- H. Bertram Lewis
Anything in life that we don't accept will simply make trouble for us until we make peace with it.
- Shakti Gawain
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
- Margot Asquith
Love doesn't grow on the trees like apples in Eden - it's something you have to make and you must use your imagination to make it too, just like anything else. It's all work, work.
- Joyce Carey
No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.
- Francois Mauriac
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
- Bible
At the end of what is called the 'sexual life' the only love which has lasted is the love which has everything, every disappointment, every failure and every betrayal, which has accepted even the sad fact that in the end there is no desire so deep as the simple desire for companionship.
- Graham Greene
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
'Love is what you've been through with somebody.'

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.

2009-05-26T23:02:00.001-04:00

Just got a new phone and I like it, LG xenon

She Wrote To Me

2009-05-21T23:10:00.003-04:00

This is an email I received when Angela and I first started dating.

The way I feel about you
I sit here looking at the sky so blue
Day dreaming of the things we do
I love the way you kiss my lips
And your skin against my finger tips
I sit and think about the way I feel
Every scar I have your love can heal
Even the deepest of them all
You can alleviate with just your smile
I am falling faster and more in love everyday
Eager that you’re feeling the same way
It don’t matter what we do
Just as long as I’m with you
That is why I love you.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder if she still feels this way.

I Can't Help Her

2009-05-20T02:35:00.003-04:00

For almost all my life I have tried to tell people and show them how beautiful they are. I have come to the realization that no matter what I say or do I am not changing the way they think. I would love for the people I know to believe, and know how beautiful they were and are. I also am bothered by the fact that I thought for once I was actually helping someone with their self-esteem and to find out that I have accomplished nothing.

Please Help, A Job Will Bepend On It.

2009-05-19T15:41:00.004-04:00

I am asking that all my readers that do or don't know The Wishful Writer, to check out her blog and also vote for her. By voting for her she can receive and extraordinary job, but she need our help so please vote for The Wishful Writer. She meets the qualifications, and it only takes a second. Click on, http://www.areallygoodejob.com/video-view.aspx?vid=Mst4bb8U1tk and VOTE. Click on this link to read her blogs http://thewishfulwriter.blogspot.com/ thank you.

Bike riding, I thought.

2009-05-12T19:32:00.002-04:00

Here it goes I am going to tell on myself. Today Angela came home from work early, I was so happy to see her. She comes in the bedroom and asks what are you doing still in bed on such a pretty day? I look at her and I said sleeping. Like she did not know that, I think it was more of a rhetorical question.So I say come here please, and she walks over to me and I grab her and hug her for probably 2 minuets.
Okay, so I get out of bed and I say to Ang, hey, you want to go bike riding? Sure, little did I know we signed up for a death wish. I am not joking when I say it took me longer to get ready for the bike ride than the ride was. I have been feeling a little under the weather this week, and I guess that does not go well with being out of shape. We are out maybe 5 minutes and I am ready to come back in. I look at Ang and I say are you ready to turn around and go back home?
We get back home and I am going to try to recuperate. It was not this complicated when I was younger.

Little Part Of My Family

2009-05-12T01:29:00.004-04:00

These are pictures of my nieces and nephews, although this is not all of my nieces and nephews.

They live in Texas, Iand I miss them very much.

Email From My Sister

2009-05-12T00:41:00.004-04:00

This is SO true !!

A.A.A.D.D. Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye-- they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was plannning to do.
At the end of the day:the car isn't washed the bills aren't paid there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to. Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

A Little Info About Me

2009-04-23T20:18:00.004-04:00

21 things about me...

01. I love Angela.

02. I have lived in 3 different states.

03. I have visited 8 different states.

04. I am a lesbian. ( that is a shock lol )

05. I love to watch Ghost Hunters and Paranormal State.

06. My dad chose my brothers to live with him over me. ( long story maybe a future post)

07. I love to text.

08. I want to buy an old car and fix it up.

09. I also want to fix up or build a home.

10. I love to be outside.

11. Drawing is a way I express myself.

12. I have 2 tatoo's.

13. Softball is one of my favorite sports.

14. When I was a kid I always wanted to be a lawyer.

15. I was born in Louisville, KY.

16. I am quite fond of poetry.

17. Adam Sandler is one of my fav actors.

18. I love to make people laugh.

19. There is a part of me that wants to be a photographer.

20. My fav cereal is Lucky Charms

21. I wrote this just to pass time.

A Few Comics

2009-04-08T18:55:00.003-04:00

You ever feel like you and the doctor have different views, here is a prim example.

Good reason not to drink around kids.

You ever get something like this when you search on google.

In case you can't make out what this last comic says. First box, girl on left. Which dressing do you want? Girl on right. Wait, I have to ask Bill Nepali.

Second box, girl on left. Who's that? Girl on right. He's a senator in South Dakota who believes women can't make our own decisions. So whenever I am faced with one, I call him at work! Third box, girl on right. And if he's not there, I try him at home. Hello Bill? Roasted pepper vinaigrette or honey mustard?

A Childs Mind

2009-04-08T18:05:00.002-04:00

As I have grown older I have realized that adults tend to forget about how a child's mind is. I was at the doctors that other day and there was a little boy ( Jacob ) sitting with his mom and dad. Jacob kept us entertained the whole time he was in the waiting room. One of the things that he did that stuck in my mind was when they called him and his dad back. The receptionist called Jacob and Jacob we are ready for you to come back and then added well you two have the same name. The little boy looked at his father and said hey dad you know what? The dad said what son. The son looked at his dad and said I can be dumb and you can be dumber, and everyone in the waiting room started laughing. A child's humor is so much different from most adults.

Our Trip To Diamond Caverns

2009-04-06T01:10:00.009-04:00

The light that you see in the middle of the photo is the original opening. A 12 year old boy discovered this cave and was tied to a rope and lowered into the cave. The boy thought that the silver look on the cave wall was diamonds, that is how the cave got its name.

In this area of the cave they use to have open for weddings but no longer do.

If you look at the photo below closely you can see where the stalactites have been cut off. This is the affects of the cave wars. Cave wars happened in the older days when the caves would fight for tourists.

The curved multi colored part of the cave you see is nicknamed cave bacon.

This is a stalagmite, it builds up in the cave.

We really enjoyed the tour and we even got an amazing work out climbing more than 350 steps.

Our Walk In Pulasky Park

2009-03-30T04:08:00.007-04:00

Angela and I took a walk in a local park on our weekend off together. We got to do many adventurous things and see some wonderful sights at the same time.

Our first adventure was rock climbing.

I was so excited to reach as far as I did, considering it was probably a 10 or 15 foot climb at the most.Then we stoped to enjoy the lake, or should I say what use to be the lake. The dam is in need of repairs, so they had to drop the water level to relieve some of the pressure off the dam to repair it. This was the results of it.

On our nature walk we came upon a little creek. The view was really nice out in the woods.

Now this is the swimming area, I don't think that there will be much swimming here. The park called it the beach, I looked everywhere for sand and most importantly water.

The white pole in the ground is supposed to be an 11 foot water marker, as you can see it is dry.

All I can say is good times.

The Weekend Off Together

2009-03-22T04:06:00.014-04:00

Angela and I finally got another weekend off together, so I planned a trip to Cumberland Falls. Everything went as I planned, till we got to the falls and the batteries I had just bought did not want to work in my camera. So, Angela and I went into the gift shop and bought some more batteries. We start our walk to the falls and I started taking pictures, our first stop was at the top of the falls.

Then we walked down and got a great view of the falls. If you look in the lower left corner you can see where people have trashed the park. Thankfully they are having a clean up day in the near future.

In the picture below, when there is a full moon there is a moonbow that will appear in the mist.

Further down the trail there was another look out point and I took this picture, one of my favorites.

I took Angela down a trail that leads to a beach, but we stopped and did a little climbing before getting there.

We finnaly get down to where the beach is and it is covered with logs, and driftwood. The wood is from where there was a storm that had recently come through Cumberland falls.

These pictures were taken from the trail on our way back to the car.

This was one of the best weekends we were able to have in a while.

*77 Could Save Your Life

2009-03-12T23:45:00.001-04:00

Use *77 on your cell phone I knew about the red light on cars, but not the *77 on cell phones:It was about 1:00 p.m. in the afternoon and Lauren was driving to visit a friend. An UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on. Lauren's parents have always told her never to pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc . Lauren listened to her parents advice andpromptly called *77 on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her. The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she was and there weren ' t, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back up already on the way. Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her. One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind. They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes. I never knew aboutthe *77 Cell Phone feature, but especially for a woman alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car. Apparently, police MUST respect your righ t to keep going to a safe & quiet place. You obviously need to make some signals that you acknowledge them (i.e. put on your hazard lights) or call *77 like Lauren di d. Too bad the cell phone companies don't generally give you this little bit of wonderful information. *77 is a direct link to State trooper info. So, now it's your turn to let your friends know about *77. Sendthis to every woman (and person) you know; it may save a life. This applies to ALL 50 states.

Life

2009-03-03T04:41:00.000-05:00

Life is crazy sometimes. It is not what it always seems. So think hard about your decisions. Peace everyone.

Life Is Short

2009-02-20T04:42:00.000-05:00

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Love the ones who don't just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy. He just promised it would be worth it.

'MAYA ANGELOU'S' BEST POEM EVER

2009-02-20T04:38:00.006-05:00

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a youth she's content to leave behind.... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a past juicy enou gh that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. one friend who always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a feeling of control over her destiny.. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself.. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the f riendship... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.... how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. . whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. or a charming Inn in the woods.... when her soul needs soothing... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

The YooHoo Sisters AND REMEMBER: GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS. YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM, BUT YOU ALWAYS KNOW THEY ARE THERE!!!!!! Be yourself...everyone else is already taken.

Angie's Art

2009-02-15T23:24:00.004-05:00

This is the beauty of art, Angie's Art.

I will post more pictures of her art as soon I can. I hope you see the beauty in these paintings also.

My Hair is shorter

2009-02-10T01:51:00.003-05:00

I have been wanting to cut my hair for a long time now, I finally got up the nerve.

This is before

This is after.

I don't know if I like it or not, I have my days

To Belinda Puckett

2009-02-10T00:08:00.004-05:00

I am one of those people that think everything happens for a reason. All through my life people have came in and out of my life and I have theirs also. I think God puts people in places to for a reason. For example when I was younger my family moved all the time, but to this day I still talk to some of them. I have not kept great contact with some of them and most the time they have not kept in touch with me. I know one person I feel that God has kept in my life simply because there have been many incidents that has occurred and we always are reacquainted with each other. Not even a hurricane was able to keep us from talking. So I wrote this poem years ago and I dedicate it to Belinda Puckett. Thank you for always being there to help in my hard times as I was a child. Thank you for also believing in me and encouraging me too.

I wrote this poem on 11-15-1997

Not By Luck
I wish I had a friend,
a friend that would love me.
Love me for what I am,
I am what they love me for.
I don't know why they care,
they care to take the time.
The time to get to know me and show me that they care.
They are my friends not by luck, but by God.
And I am glad that luck has not guided our friendship, but God guides it.

A Poem I Wrote In High School

2009-01-20T22:31:00.003-05:00

I wrote this for English class, the type of poem is an Epitaph.

Who Knows

As I walk through the streets,
I realize I am alone.
I am looking all around,
just to find my friends.

I have got the job of my dreams,
being an actress.
I have to go my own way,
just as I feel the need.

Again I find myself looking,
all around the town.
I have just thing to think,
what is going on?

My friends are not around,
all the stores are closed.
I leave on my way home,
to find myself getting raped.

Following the rape ,
I feel a blade through my back,
a razor slicing open my head,
as I am left stranded.

With nobody at my side
the only people to depend on is me, myself, and I
Through the trees, I hear a noise,
the last noise I will ever hear.

I thought it was the rapist,
coming back to kill.
I look to the right, to find myself eye to eye
with not a man, but a dog
that a man followed.

I am gasping for one simple breath.
while I bleed rapidly.
People thought I would make it, if I really tried.
All that was left was to close my eyes and die.

My eyes were closed and all I heard,
were words that were a blur.
As I feel my last swallow, that took all of my energy.
I feel one last thing and that was my last heart beat, as I tensed up and died.

Just Some Photos

2009-01-15T01:33:00.003-05:00

These are some pictures of some of my nieces and nephews.
Donuts, what donuts?
I am sweet and innocent.

Don't make me cry, I can fake it well.

Witch one are you scared of? They are actually good boys.

DuckTail

2009-01-06T17:52:00.004-05:00

Angela has been sick and I have been treating her with thera flu. When she got up, she came in the kitchen while I was making her drink. As I turn around I see her standing next to me and the first thing I noticed was the duck tail. That is what I called it, anyway. So I got the phone and snapped a picture, so I could share the moment.

Now the hard decision, should I tell her or not, lol.

Karaoke Christmas

2009-01-06T15:24:00.003-05:00

My mom is always looking to make the holidays enjoyable, so she came up with karaoke Christmas. She called up all of the family and invited them to come.

This is my sister (left) and my brother (right) The girl in the middle is my cousin Ashley.
If anyone was to meet my mom, they would see why I am as silly and goofy as I am. This is my mom in her Mimi outfit. The song she is singing is, You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man.

This is when we first all arrived and we were all sitting around. My mom wanted everyone to feel liven up, so she got some palm palms and ran around the room cheering. Come on everyone get up, lets go, lets go.

I had to remind her it was Christmas and not Easter, lol.

Then my step dad decided to dance with my mom.

I do have to say that it was a great experience. We all came together as a family. This is the first Christmas that I spent with my mom and Greg, with his children and their family. As the night started the separate families were on opposite sides of the room, due to some of them being shy. By the end of the night it was like we were all a family.

A Little Humor

2009-01-06T14:39:00.005-05:00

Dinner at Golden Corral anyone?
Sure, why not. This is where some of us that work together ate at to celebrate Christmas. It was great to get out and have fun with everyone that was there. To add a little more humor one of us workers wrote a little note.
Just in case you can not read it, here is what it says. You should put fruit cake out for the holidays.

The story behind the fruitcake is what makes it so funny. Angela and I were at a UK basketball game and it just so happened so was another one of our fellow workers were there. So Angela and I went over to visit with her. Well, it was at the same time that the cheerleaders were throwing foil wrapped items. Angela thought it would be funny to tell this fellow worker that they were giving out fruit cake. I laughed thinking she would know better, but she really thought it was fruit cake. Bless her heart, we couldn't help but laugh. Go Angela, one of the many reasons I love her.

Udate On My Sister

2008-12-31T18:16:00.002-05:00

My sister found out today that she has a bicuspid aortic valve. This will tell you a little about it.

BICUSPID AORTIC VALVE - SYMPTOMS AND TREATMENT By Adam Pick, Patient & Author Of The Patient's Guide To Heart Valve Surgery

Bicsuspid Aortic ValveThree Cusps (Normal) vs. Two Cusps (Bicuspid)

Aortic Bicuspid Valve Symptoms And Treatment
A bicuspid aortic valve occurs when the aortic valve does not fully develop while the baby is in the womb. That said, bicuspid aortic valves are one of the most common congenital heart defects affecting about 1-2% of all children. What Is A Bicuspid Aortic Valve?
A bicuspid aortic valve is a heart condition that is due to a congenital deformity. A normal aortic valve has three cusps to manage the flow of blood through the heart. A bicuspid valve, however, only has only two cusps. As you can see in the diagram below, the bicuspid aortic valve has conjoined cusps. This can limit the flow of blood across the aortic heart valve.
The impact of a bicuspid aortic valve significantly varies from patient to patient. There can be severe aortic stenosis at birth. Or, aortic stenosis can also develop during childhood or during adulthood. Typically bicuspid aortic valve symptoms peak around the fourth decade of life. Aortic valve leakage (called aortic regurgitation or aortic insufficiency) is less common during early childhood but can also develop over time.
Symptoms Of Bicuspid Aortic Valves
Some of the most common heart valve symptoms (for bicuspid aortic valves and other heart valve defects) referenced by The Cleveland Clinic are:
*Shortness of breath, especially with exertion or when you lie down
*Fatigue, especially during times of increased activity
*Cough, especially at night or when lying down
*Heart palpitations — sensations of a rapid, fluttering heartbeat
*Swollen feet or ankles
*Chest pain (angina) or tightness
*Dizziness
Many patients with bicuspid aortic valves will require surgical treatment during their lifetime. Treatment may consist of heart valve repair or heart valve replacement.

My Sisters Story

2008-12-24T02:15:00.004-05:00

For all of you that does not know I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I have just found out recently that my sister is having health issues. She is only one year older than me, turning 28 in April of "08". This is her story...Okay so just when you think life is good and finally going the right direction that is when you know to cherish every moment because soon the bottom is probably going to fall out and everything is going to come crashing down on you. This is a lesson I have learned very well recently and unfortunately had to learn the hard way.
For those who do not already know, what started out to be a trip to the doctor the day after Thanksgiving just to make sure I didn't have strep throat snowballed into a major ordeal for me. My doctor noticed my blood pressure has been running high, so he put me on a strict diet and exercise plan and a 5 day blood pressure check to see if I was going to need medication for my blood pressure. Thankfully the diet and exercise have been helping with my blood pressure, but on the day of my follow up another problem was noticed. At this point I am told I have a heart murmur, not to worry because it could really be nothing and we are going to run a few tests just to be on the safe side. What started out as a couple tests then turned to three, then four tests. After that a trip to the cardiologist where I find out that my Aortic Valve is not closing all the way and it is allowing blood that has been pumped into my artery to flow back into the left ventricle of my heart. This means that eventually an open heart surgery will have to be done to replace my valve with another valve and that my entire life is going to have to change in major ways. In my case I will be having surgery probably within a year or two so that it can be done before the valve does damage to my heart. Thankfully so far it appears that there is no damage yet and my heart is handling the extra work just fine.
Some how in all of this every moment of your time, every bit of energy and focus you have becomes about your health issues. The way you eat, sleep, exercise, think, everything you do and think changes. Also with concerned family members to call needing updates, every conversation you have seems to be about your health or somehow involve your health issues. For the last month every moment of my life has been consumed by my health to the point that it's almost impossible to get the chance to just be me instead of a person with a serious health issue. Sometimes you aren't even sure who you are anymore because somewhere in all the madness you just get that lost.
So, to all my family and friends I am begging and pleading! I love you all dearly and appreciate the concern, but this year for Christmas I am only asking for one little thing. All I want for Christmas is 2 days to completely forget about my health issues, and get to enjoy being me again. For December 24th and 25th please respect that I do not want to discuss my health issues or anything related to my health issues. It would mean the world to me!
And to each and every one of you please have a blessed wonderful merry Christmas!

As a sister I am very concerned for her health, I ask that everyone to keep her in your thoughts and prayers. When I read the last paragraph I could not keep from crying. When Angela asked me a while back what I would like for Christmas, I did not really know what to tell her. If I was to be asked now I would say that I would like for my sister to be back in good health and for this to have never happened to her.

The Angel Tree

2008-12-24T01:23:00.005-05:00

As long as I can remember there has been an angel tree that has been put up in churches and at other locations. When I was a kid I remember seeing on for the first time. I thought to myself, that is a neat way to decorate for Christmas, I thought it was just for looks. I never did understand what it was for until one morning in church. I was about 8 or 9 years old and the pastor announced that there were still a few angels left on the tree, and if there was anyone that wanted to take one they could. So I went back to the tree and took an angel off of it, looked at my mom and said, I got us an angel for our tree. That is when my mom explained to me the purpose of the angel tree. The Angel Tree program provides new clothing or toys for children of needy families. A person takes the angel off the tree and goes and buys the child a gift. I looked at my mom and I asked her if we could help this child. She told me that she would love to but after buying for 5 kids it was hard to do. I look at my mom and I said well, why don't I just give them some of my presents, I don't need anything. I guess my mom figured one more round of gifts wont hurt, we will take the angel. We go out and buy the kid an outfit and a toy and return the gifts to the church.
That is when I realized that Christmas was about giving and not receiving. It made me feel better to know that I helped a child that would have gotten nothing for Christmas. To me being with the ones you love and enjoying our happiness together is what Christmas is about.

2008-12-16T16:06:00.003-05:00

Do you ever feel like a ship that has sailed so far from land and you will never reach the shore again?
How about the person that when bowling your ball always seems to go in the gutter?
Or the one to hit the softball and it finally goes over the fence, but it just so happens to be the fence behind home plate?
The three situations above are aggravating but there is a bright side to all of them.

The ship that you are on more than likely has a navigational system in it, and if it doesn't you can always use the sun. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west, so there you go an all natural compass.

Now the bowling ball that always finds it way to the gutter. The positive side to that is at one time your ball was not even making it to the gutter. It was a hard enough job to get it out of your hand and rolling it down the correct lane. That just goes to say that the gutter ball is actually an improvement.

Now for the softball, every one has struck out even the best of the players. Not to mention the little silent prayers you say to yourself, I would like to hit it over the fence just one time. Okay, how did the ball get over the fence? At some point you must have hit the ball and it made its way over the fence. Here is the good part, you finally hit the ball, and on top of it all it even went over the fence.

So when you get down on yourself, or see someone else down, help them find the good. For example, my step dad had both of his legs removed from the knees down. I have yet to this day heard him complain about his feet being gone. He always says at least I still have my hands and arms. These could be the next to go if his vessels were to have kept deteriorating.

The UK Game

2008-12-09T16:08:00.003-05:00

These are a few of the pictures I got from the UK game Ang and I went to.
While the cheerleaders were in there pyramid they did a 360 rotation.

This is Angela's favorite part of the game. She loved the mascots.

This was the final score Kentucky 91, Longwood 57.

Just Some Thoughts

2008-12-04T00:31:00.002-05:00

* Sometimes the world can make people so cruel, it sucks them into the spell of worldly things.
* Why is it that people can pinpoint others flaws, but are to ignorant to discover our own.
* We have became hostages to a world of hurt and disappointment.

Pain can do many things, it can corrupt our minds.
It has made people cold hearted and bitter.
Sometimes we should stop and evaluate ourselves to try and find the solution.
How do you find the answers when you do not know the questions?

Could it be possible that we have held on to the pain for so long, that it makes us bitter?
Even if we feel that we have moved on. Well, is it?

The Christmas Tree

2008-11-30T00:20:00.003-05:00

I posted yesterday about putting my tree up, well I have to say I did not get it up. I was all for putting it up, but when i got my tree out there were no legs for it. Now I have to find some legs for it. Then I can put it up. Till then I will just hang some lights.

Soon It Will Be Christmas

2008-11-29T00:25:00.002-05:00

I love Christmas, I am a little behind this year. I usually put my tree up on Thanksgiving, but it seems this year it is taking longer. I love Christmas decorating, so I think I will make time to put it up today.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

2008-11-26T23:29:00.002-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope it is enjoyable.

Things Go Wrong

2008-11-18T15:12:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was going out to get a bite to eat and my heat in my car turned cold. I look at my guages and realize that my car was running hot. I pull over to check out what was going on and come to find out there was water leaking out of it. There I was out in the cold and my car is messed up. Now i will find out what is wrong and get it fixed. things could get worse, but I am staying on the positive side of things.

This Should Never Happen

2008-11-17T00:49:00.001-05:00

I know a few children that have been through all kinds of abuse, physical, mental, sexual, and verbal. Being a victim of one is bad enough, but when you are a victim all it can cause some major psychological damage. I just want to take these kids and take them away from it all. There is no reason for a child to go through that. Then to top it off, come to find out, sexual abuse is a misdemeanor and they only serve two years. I myself have been a victim of abuse, and I know that it does effect you. Each person has to deal with it their own way. It took me a while to overcome it, and I try to comfort the children when they are trying to cope with there problems. All I am saying is when you are abused in any way it takes time to heal, sometimes years. I know to this day it can still haunt me, and it has been over 10 years, and the offender only has to serve at the most 2 years. What is 2 years compared to the rest of the victims life.

2008-11-03T02:36:00.004-05:00

After spending most the night handing out candy to the Trick-o-treaters, I thought I would go and play some bingo. I knew they were going to have a costume contest, but I did not want to dress up. I did somehow manage to get some pictures of some of the adults that did though. This is Betty Boop, my mom loves her. So mom this picture goes out to you.

They liked to call this one the big bad biker "B", lol.

Of course everyone knows this is a scarecrow and the winner of the costume contest.

I am guessing this is a convict zombie. this is the second place winner.

The way I see it everyone that dressed up were winners. I wish I could have got a picture of all the costumes. I have always thought it was nice to see how creative people can be.

Angela Is Great To Me

2008-11-02T01:37:00.003-04:00

I had worked all night long from 5pm till 5am. I was so tired and hungry so as soon as I got in the door I head for the kitchen. As soon as I step into the door I see a double layered cake on the table. Angela had baked me a cake. I was wondering why she had made it because my birthday is in July. Then I walk over to it and I see a little note that says, just because I love you.

People I tell you, she truly is amazing. I love her so much. This is just one of the many things that she has done for me.

I also have come home in the morning to candle light bubble baths, which I love, and roses.

Seth's Birthday

2008-10-31T19:48:00.008-04:00

My nephew lives in Texas, and he just had a birthday last month. I was not able to go, seeing how I live in Kentucky, so my sis sent me some pictures of the party.

1st picture is the birthday boy, 2nd is the cake, 3rd the treasure map ( it is like pin the tail on the donkey ) and the last picture is Seth enjoying his party

Trick Or Treat ( I thought )

2008-10-31T18:11:00.009-04:00

Halloween is finally here, I sound like a little kid when I say that. I remember when I lived in Indiana and I was so excited, I could not wait to go trick or treating. It is all diff rent now, I was so excited about hearing the kids say TRICK OR TREAT!, so I could hand them some candy. Well I was wrong the kids don't speak anymore, I guess, or maybe the parents are teaching them not to talk to strangers. I do have to admit there are some scary costumes out there, little princesses, werewolf's, and not to mention ducks. Oh here comes Snow White and the 7 dwarfs, no, sorry, just a mom and some kids, my bad. Or maybe it was the old lady that lived in a shoe. Now back to what I was saying, ducks, they are scary. To most people a duck are not scary, but to my brother, they are horrifying. Let me explain, we were at a family reunion and my brother thought it would be fun to invade the ducks family reunion. All I can remember is that he came running up the hill screaming. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! They are after me, one of the bit me. My first reaction was to laugh, and of course i did. But to my surprise, he was really bit, and was being chased by a family of ducks. I still had to laugh at him though, he should have listened when I said I would not go down there if I were you.
Sometimes it does help to listen to other people.

The Changing Seasons

2008-10-22T15:17:00.014-04:00

I love when summer turns to fall, fall to winter, winter to spring and spring into summer. It seems that as each season modernizes I am ready for it. I remember when it was late summer, and I was ready for fall to arrive. I am amazed with the changing colors of the leaves, the feel and smell of the cooling air, the almost perfect days and cool nights. I even got a thrill out of raking up the leaves and jumping in them. Most of us don't realize it, but that is natures way of preparing us for winter. Each season is like a new creation, or a revolution, as it awakens it unfolds many secrets. Not to mention all the holidays also. Halloween and Thanksgiving, the two most common fall holidays, but I am sure there are more. I think part of the reason that I am so fond of fall is because of Thanksgiving. When I was a child my mom, dad, brothers, and sisters, would go to Louisville and visit all the rest of the family. Thanksgiving and Christmas was about the only time we saw them after moving to Mississippi.

Winter was always great because of the snow and snowball fights. One year my brothers and I built little forts out of the snow and threw snowballs at each others fort to destroy them. We would even try to make the biggest snowball for the butt of the snowman. My brothers and I would make tunnels in the snow where it had been shoveled into large piles. I have to say I was a sucker for time with my family. Of course there is also Christmas that is part of winter. I love Christmas. I remember when the whole family would gather together at my grandmothers house. It was always exciting to be reunited with family. We would all go to grandmas and would eat and do some catching up with everyone. My Aunt Linda would always put on a Santa hat an hand out the gifts. Yeah, I like to call them the good-ole-days.

Spring is always great also, you never know what to expect. Tornadoes, hail, and in some places even snow. There is also Easter and of course spring break. I remember when my mom and dad would get us up for the sunrise service on Easter morning. It felt like it was 3 or 4 in the morning and I did not do mornings that early. Not to mention that it felt like it was 30 below zero and my mom always thought us girls should wear dresses and those little jelly shoes. I think my legs still suffer from the frostbite, okay maybe not frostbite but pretty damn cold. On the bright side, we got to raid the baskets after we got home. Then there was always the egg hunt, winner got bragging rights. Plus I love the way it seems that nature is saying summer is on the way. The trees budding and flowers starting to bloom, I find quite astonishing.

Summer always brings hot days, bumble bees, and time for swimming. Oh yeah, and the 4th of July. I liked the fourth of July because of the fireworks, and plus my birthday followed it. My mom would always want to celebrate my birthday on the fourth. She would tell me, we will have you party on the fourth that way all the family is already together. It did not bother me, my mom was quite creative with my cakes. I guess I will save that for another blog, it is a long story.

That is all of the seasons, of course, but you do get what I am saying when I say that the seasons always prepare us for the next season? Or maybe that is just the way I look at it.

Farewell To Subway

2008-10-17T01:20:00.003-04:00

Today the is the 17 of October and I will be saying farewell to subway. I have worked there for nearly 2 years. My manager has been doing and saying everything she can to get me to stay. I have been there 4 weeks longer than i planned. i guess i just hated to say goodbye. now is the time. I must not wait much longer. Putting out 100 dollars a week for gas and driving 30 miles one way, after working a 12 hour shift till 5 in the morning, Is just to much. So I must say farewell to subway for now. Maybe I will go to a subway closer to my home one day.

Trucks and Cars old and new

2008-10-14T12:39:00.011-04:00

I love the horn this car has. The trunk of the car opens up and becomes a seat.

The Mustang is my all time favorite.

The super sport.

When I was a child this man at my church use to drive a truck similar to this one. I would ask him when he was going to donate it to me. He would tell me that when I got old enough to drive I would be interested in the newer trucks. but to this day I would love to have a truck like this.

I have always liked the look of the older model cars. I like some of the newer cars also, but fascinated with the oldies.

Here are a few of the newer vehicles I like.